Thursday, February 21, 2008

Five Women Who Scare Me (Four Of Whom I Admire)

Liza Minnelli--actress, singer, daughter of Judy Garland. One of the things I find astonishing about Ms. Minnelli's performance in the Law and Order episode "Masquerade" is how little her face moves. On the other hand, the other astonishing thing about that performance is how much she can do while only seeming to wiggle her lower lip a tiny bit. It's like she's channelling Jean-Dominique Bauby from The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Also, she's only 59?

Hadassah Raven Rose--Used to be my stepmother. Now she is now a shaman or a writer and maybe a Scientologist! Perhaps all three. She was married to my father for maybe ten years or so. I can't remember. It was pure craziness from day one. Once when we were living in La Jolla, California she made my father and I (maybe my sister too?) go to a Native American healer. We sat in a deerskin covered sweat lodge in her backyard in a rundown section of San Diego and prayed to Father Time and Mother Earth, I recall. It was hot as balls. Also, you had to give this lady a gift instead of payment. I remember someone gave her a plaque about Jack Schitt which I thought was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. I also didn't get the joke.

Pham (Or is it Fang?)
--cleaning lady. Pham is our wonderful cleaning lady. By "our" I mean every one I know. She is Chinese and around fifty. Sometimes she cleans with her sister Song. Her son just graduated Stern Business School. She herself, sometimes, can be quite stern for instance when she yelled at me for having not enough shelves. Anyway, word on the street is that now she refuses to clean our homes because her son is pulling in something like 100K a year and she doesn't need to. And I miss her. Not because our apartment is filthy (which it is) but because she was so maternal.

Vera and Daphne Correll--fashion designers. Vera and Daphne are German clothing designers and twins. Their clothing is available at Opening Ceremony. I love them but, sadly, can not tell the difference between them. Supposedly one has bangs but I just get so nervous upon seeing either one that I find it difficult to speak. I try, each time, to discretely stick a piece of paper or something on one of their backs but I usually just get caught. They must think I'm a pervert but I'm not. I'm just confused. Also, all Germans looks alike!

Ivanka Trump--heiress/entrepreneur. She is always so put together, has huge boobs, isn't resting on her father's laurels, is dating Jared Kushner.